My Review Of The Assassin's Creed Movie

"VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely" (vajazzlemcdildertits) 12/26/2016 at 22:30 • Filed to: None

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There are only two things you need to know:

1. The Animus system is by far the least implausible concept in the story

2. Michael Fassbender looks pretty good with his shirt off.

No spoilers were exposed in the writing of this review.

Scary__goongala! > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 22:39

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I don’t understand how Hollywood can’t make a legitimate video game based movie.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 22:41

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So it’s just as bad as I expected.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 22:42

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If they finally make a good video game movie, will civilization be over?

Nick Has an Exocet > Scary__goongala! 12/26/2016 at 22:45

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It’s because video games don’t really have stories in the same sense as movies. The closest you’re going to get is Scott Pilgrim.

Wagon Guy drives a Boostang > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 22:45

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It still sounds like something I’ll wait for Netflix to pick up.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Scary__goongala! 12/26/2016 at 22:45

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Most video games go from 15 hours to 60 hours long depending on the source material. Much like shrinking (or in Peter Jackson’s case, expanding) a novel for movie consumption, you can’t really stay true to the source material and keep the studio overlords funding the film. So you make compromises for presentation.

Very few movies strike the right balance between compromise and true-faith presentation. I think the miniseries presentation seem to fare better overall with non-movie sourced material.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Carbon Fiber Sasquatch 12/26/2016 at 22:46

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The executive director and producer of the movie will be hailed as the doom bringer of our generation.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 12/26/2016 at 22:47

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Even if you pretend they’ve never heard of the video game before, the story is a challenge to swallow. With that in mind, some parts, were almost palatable, but it won’t keep you up at night thinking about it.

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 12/26/2016 at 22:50

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From everything I have read, I would expect to see all the Oscar winners they duped into acting in this travesty in very critic-friendly films shortly. I also suspect there may be some non-stunt doubled self-flagellation ‘method’ acting as penance.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 22:58

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In delightful irony the movie in question will be Sid Meiers Civilization

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 23:07

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It seems like one of those movies where you know everything from the trailers. Am I correct in that assumption?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Carbon Fiber Sasquatch 12/26/2016 at 23:19

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“The world ended with the phrase ‘Just one more turn...’”

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap 12/26/2016 at 23:21

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You seem like a smart chap, so maybe for you I would say yes. It was pretty predictable. I went in hoping for surprises and came out rather... unsurprised.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 23:24

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Ghandi nuked our asses...

NJAnon > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/26/2016 at 23:48

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Its better than House of the Dead or Dead or Alive (essentially any Uwe Boll film) so take it what its for. The story is interesting on its surface.

Flavien Vidal > Carbon Fiber Sasquatch 12/26/2016 at 23:57

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Well, I like the Resident Evil series and Wreck-it Ralph :)

EDIT: Final Fantasy Spirit Within was cool to I thought...

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > NJAnon 12/27/2016 at 00:18

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I’ve had piles of sick that were more interesting to look at than House of the Dead was and for longer durations, too.

Frank Grimes > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 12/27/2016 at 12:54

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Is the movie 18 hours long and consist of running around jumping into hay and stabbing people and have like 19 sequels?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Frank Grimes 12/27/2016 at 14:06

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2 hours and change. Not much hay, if you can believe it.